Why isn't my son like other children?

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 10:25:43 +0100

I’m a full-time Stay at Home Dad and I see my son at playgroups and playgrounds, toddler events and the like, with other boys of a similar age. In fact, some kids I see him with were born within the same few weeks as we’ve kept in touch with people from our antenatal classes. I see him, and I see other boys, and it seems to me if there’s a thing to not touch, my son will touch it, a thing not to be done, my son will do it. And guess what? He’s the only one. All the others play nicely and heed their parents. My little boy? Seemingly not. And this has worried me. Why isn’t my son like other children?

Let’s cite some examples shall we?. My son has a very fixed idea of dinner and socially he can be a bit embarrassing. If he had his way, dinner would be fish cakes, cheesy pasta, eggs, endless amounts of cheese, and ice cream. He doesn’t have his way though, so I cook him a varied and wide ranging series of meals he refuses to try, and pushes away screaming ‘Take it away Daddy.’ I get the impression from friends that their children eat vegetables like they’re sweets, and when I see them eat certainly they’re popping cherry tomatoes with huge angelic smiles on their faces.

At messy play sessions I see all the other boys and girls sit down with their mums and try crafting or drawing or painting. They make little fridge magnets and colour in pictures like it’s the most fun they’ve ever had. My boy rummages around in available toy boxes for cars, pushes them around with no thought for others and constantly forages in my Daddy Change Bag for a ‘snack’ or a ‘treat.’

Whenever we try and have a singsong to pass the time in the car, or on a walk into town, he screams. A lot. He screams at such a pitch its like he’s saying ‘Stop with the racket, its awful! I pass other parents, with their kids in strollers and they’re happily singing the ‘Wheels on the Bus’ or’ Old Macdonald,’ with envious eyes.

At Baby Rhyme Time the other boys and girls of his age are sitting nicely and singing along. T decides that he’d like to look at ALL the books, now, and that the fire extinguisher is far more interesting than sitting on some mat singing some silly song. What happens if I press this button?

I read parenting magazines and I worry even more (but that’s a subject for a different post). I read of children eating Brie and rocket sandwiches, garlic snails, drawing and sculpting versions of their grandparents out of ice by the age of 3. And I worry. I worry that, as the full-time parent, I am doing, or have done, something very wrong. But what am I doing wrong? Is it me? Am I too strict? Am I not strict ENOUGH? Or worse is it not me? Is it him? Is there something wrong with him developmentally?

He still seems to talk putting a ‘d’ in front of things, or replacing the first consonant with a ‘d’. Racing cars are 'racing dars'. I see other people’s children of the same age and they’ve got diction like Olivier. Perhaps there is something wrong with him! I changed his nappy recently and he looked at the contents and said ‘Yum – cake!’ He’s looking at shit and he’s calling it CAKE. There HAS to be something wrong with him!!!

But. He’s been able to recognise letters since before he was 2, surprising the nursery staff at his induction. He can count to 37, easily, but no further as 38 ‘is just wrong’. He naps regularly every day for around 2 hours often telling me ‘it’s naptime – night night.’ He is friendly, and says a cheery ‘bye bye’ to all the staff in the local supermarket. He likes to help and says ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ most of the time. He is affectionate to his baby sister, always giving her a kiss at bedtime and has got round to the notion that if you do something wrong you say sorry. He took the death of our cat like a star, understanding that Tinker was very ill, and died, and that makes us sad. He can amuse himself playing by himself, but loves to sit on your lap while you read him a story. He drinks milk and water only, he doesn’t nick sweets from the confectionery racks they place at toddler height. He actually asks for an apple when we are in the supermarket for Chrissakes!

I’ve realised when my son misbehaves in public, which is becoming rarer to be fair to him, he isn’t being terrible. He’s just being terribly normal. Even the 'iccle baby Jesus probably mucked about in his dad’s workshop, and touched a plane or a chisel that he shouldn’t have. My son is testing boundaries. He's pushing limits and seeing how far that can get him. He’s exploring. He’s learning. And, rather than being an embarrassment or worrying about it, I have begun to think that it’s beautiful to see. The only thing he has against him is that he’s got a dad who worries too much and guess what? I’m learning to relax a bit.

So what if my son isn’t like other children? That’s just how I like it.

blog

Why isn't my son like other children?